The Facebook Direct Marketing Fail.

First of all let me just say, I know direct marketing is a touchy subject; of course, us moms want to support our friends.

We support your attempt to make extra money, have something going on outside of mommy hood, or build that #girlboss empire.

I don't even mind the online "Party Invite" or the fact that every other post you mention how you are full of energy, haven't slept in 3 days, and you just ran a marathon all while  you just cured your kids chickenpox with an oil. #doesntbotherme

But, if ONE MORE PERSON SENDS ME A FRIEND REQUEST FOLLOWD BY A PRIVATE MESSAGE JUST SO THEY CAN TRY AND SELL ME SOMETHING I AM GOING TO LOSE IT.

Listen, a few months ago, a friend request popped up on Facebook. I accepted—we had several mutual friends, her profile seemed legit, and-hey! I’m down for more cute kid pics and viral funny videos.

Plus- I thought she may have just seen one of my amazing videos. I'd wanna be my friend, too.

Anyway, ya'll it wasn't TWO SECONDS AFTER I ACCEPTED THE REQUEST that a message popped up: "Hey girl you are absolutely gorgeous. I know this sounds crazy but I couldn't help to see how beautiful you are."

Weird, I thought.

Is she a lesbian?

 I'm not sure I even know her.

This felt premature.

So, I kindly thanked her and told her my makeup consisted of: Wet N Wild and Elf. I even told her which Dollar Store I buy it at.

Because I'm nice like that.

Then exactly four minutes later she put my worries to rest and basically told me I was an ugly spotted Dalmatian when she responded, "Hey, wouldn't you like a foundation that gives you complete coverage, with out the uneven spots, but doesn't have that heavy/oily look?"

"Girl, I just wanna let you know if you get $50 or more of makeup your name will be put in a drawing that I'm having for my customers. You will get a chance to win ....
Lip Bon Bon's (cherry cobbler)!!!!Eeeek!"

I've never been so temped to buy something in my life. I mean, this girl is clearly cut out for sales.

I responded, "So.... are you telling me my makeup looks like cake batter? Say it ain't so. In that case, SIGN ME UP!!!! "

"Not."

(I'm still waiting for her to sign me up.)

But, lets face it, its not just strangers, most of the sales pitches I get are from old high school friends.

Like:

Facebook lady I haven't spoken to in 10 years, "hey girl! how are you?!"
And I'm all like, "this feels like a trap..."
And she's all alike,  "lol! have you heard about Beach Body?"

Or: Accept a friend request to a woman I kind of knew in high school and just like that I instantly receive a invitation to a LulaRoe/Essential Oil/Jamberry/Shakeology party.

#theygetmeeverytime

I don't even know which of my 1197 Facebook friends are really my friend. #sad

Yall, I'm still waiting for high school friends to start selling something I could actually use. Like naps. Or babysitters.

But seriously, I have one question, do people who sell oils/leggings/makeup/dishes not know about Amazon Prime?

#becarefulmomsoutthere